She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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