I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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