"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
