we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
