I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
