Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
