I looked at my own cervix.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
