He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
