Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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