I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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