i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
