but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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