Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
