So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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