You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
