So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
