I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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