He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
