we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
