i jhust puked up my retainher.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
