my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
