her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
