i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
