Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
