I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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