I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
