He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
