very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
