when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
