Betty ford says i'm here all night
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
