And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
