I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
