Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
