no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
