Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
