I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
