and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
