you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
