Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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