Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
