i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
