I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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