You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
