If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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