I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
