the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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