Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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