He disabled his match.com account in front of me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
