What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
