grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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