Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
