I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
