I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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