I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
