I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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