Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
