Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
