Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
