Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
