Just cropdusted the office
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
