Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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