im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
