I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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