I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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