idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
