I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
