dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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