Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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