you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
