Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
