I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
