I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
where does the pee come out of this thing
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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