i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
