I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
