ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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