even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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