She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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