Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
