There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
