He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
