I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize