Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
