he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
